Life according to me.
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To the Emerging Nigerian Writer, This Is the Time to Write!
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America Is Not the Saviour Nigeria Needs!
They say America wants to invade Nigeria and rescue us from the continuous killings that have ravaged the country for over a decade. Apparently, someone in the Pentagon just realized that the “free...
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A Little More Beauty
So you started, with the creams first. A lotion that your friend mixes herself in your shared room. Relaxer, yoghurt milk and liquids that smells strongly like latrines. They were potent though bec...
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Seriously, Are We Getting Dumber?
I’ve seen people on Twitter asking Grok, Twitter’s AI, to verify basic facts they could easily search up online. The laziness is palpable. “@Grok, what is my name?” Then there are the people who r...
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Don’t Save Her, She Don’t Wanna Be Saved!
It is bewildering how conveniently pick me remove their brains and shove it inside a dusty cabinet the moment a man is involved. His ugliness aside, his fermented beans and boiled meat smell aside,...
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An Area Boy Named Segun Sniper
Wen I reach 14 years, I collect igbo from boda Sefiu hand for first time. He say na for me to be man. E enter my head, I cof and he say next time I no go cof, na because e be my first smoke. Di sec...
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Even Good Men Want Sex
“If he really cares about me, he will not ask me for sex.” Uhm,, if he really likes you, he will have a raging boner whenever he is around you, but he might try to be courteous enough to cover i...
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I Have Decided to Quit My Job And Carry Gun: Ask me Anything
I would carry it to my landlord’s house in Magodo and request that he not only shelve the increment on my rent but further reduce it to a manageable amount. If he refuses, I will hold my gun up and...
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We Need To Talk About Kenny
Kenny’s antics became more brazen as she grew older. She cut off a chunk of Taiwo’s hair the day after a woman stopped me randomly to ask how I cared for Taiwo's full head of hair. She stuffed her ...
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This is Superstory…
And there are painful stories that hurt as deep as the collective pain we all feel on Thursday nights when NEPA suddenly takes the light. But even that is nothing compared to an uncle whining you a...
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Our Kind of Love
He didn’t come to sit beside me that day, but he kept staring at me intermittently, and each time, my chest constricted. What is this weird feeling? Why am I finding it hard to swallow? Why am I a...
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My Landlord Just Increased My House Rent and I Am About to Crash Out!
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May Nigeria Never Happen To You
A train can go off track because a senior manager in the railway corporation diverted money meant for maintenance elsewhere, and they will still keep their job. A police officer can cock his gun an...
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Expensive Shit
Working as a cleaner in a Lagos restaurant is not easy. You get to see a lot. Hear a lot and smell a lot
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Who Do Us This Thing? The Casual Tribalism in Nigeria
The only time we throng out as a collective to publicly unite and fight is often over meaningless rubbish like jollof or someone saying Nigerian biscuit did something to our zobo. Nonsense fights t...
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Murder She Wrote
Each stab for every year I’ve endured your bullshit. Ten trifling years. Six to the heart, where you hurt me most. Two to the groin, the cause of your misfortune and mine. One to each of your eyes....
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To Kill A Monkey – A Review
The attention to detail in the characters’ outfits also stood out to me. Clothes can say a lot about a person before they even open their mouth. That’s why I really appreciated what the costumier d...
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Office Politics is the Game of Thrones – Learn to Play or Die!
So I can say, office politics, as a person, would be someone with dirt and grime up their ass that’s left unwashed for several days, but they wear the best clothes with the most expensive perfume. ...
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So, You Want To Be An Adult?
Sometimes I wish someone could go to the gym on my behalf and just upload the results into my body quarterly. Let someone else attend my career advancement and language classes and send me the cert...
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In Conversations with Insanity
I have decided to embrace the insanity wholly. No more fighting it. Let it all burst at the seams and come undone. Let it all burn and let me laugh wickedly as the cinders blow in the air. I have h...
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The Crazy Thing About Mother Nature
What is it? Haven’t you done enough? The cramps! The stains!! The torture!!! From blinding headaches that my friends complain about to the tooth pain I experienced back-to-back in 2022. Yes, Mother...
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Confessions of a Gym Girlie – The One About the Crush
His simple grey top and shorts became extraordinary. I tried to give a poetic explanation for why he wore grey that day when he usually wore blue. Insanity, I know, but I am well versed in the art ...
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Danfo Diaries – 28.05.2025 (Naked bumbum special)
I saw a naked man today, under the bridge on Gbagada Expressway. Bare, brown, hard butt, bathing in the full glare of the morning sun. Not a care in the world.
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Babe, How Far Nah?
Once outside again, we wove through groups of richly dressed guests in different shades of purple, feeling like small fishes in a sea of sharks wearing Cartiers, Swarovskis, Montblancs and Marottos...
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Are We Living or Just Performing for the Camera?
This is not new. People go to the cinema and spend half of the time sending streaks of most of the movie to their streak list. People go bowling and would rather record angles and videos to share l...
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Like a Gorilla in a F*cking Zoo!
It’s been seven months since Maroof left for America for further studies and greener pastures where the fields are well-watered and the taps don’t run dry. I was, unfortunately, as my mother-in-la...
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In the Mirror of Time
There is no greater joy than realizing the person I was a decade ago could only dream of who I am today. This is why I honour time. This is why I am devoted to change, to movement, to becoming.
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The Real HotBoy of Lagos
“You dey baff soap?” Calypso questioned looking at him with suspicion. Dele smiled politely nodding his head no. The boys held on to Dele asking him to flex them for the weekend. Calypso beckoned...
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The ‘’Abeg’’ Mentality and Nigeria’s Culture of No Consequence
Nigerians believe “sorry” should suffice when it is uttered. Someone’s kid could be killed and the family of the perpetrator, or an oversabi uncle or aunty in the neighbourhood, would expect the vi...
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I Am Not One of Them
Then came Sandra. She was found in the pantry, eyes wide open. Dead.
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One Day It Will Make Sense
It was when I got home that it all dawned on me. They could have jazzed me and stolen my breasts while I was busy muttering “amen, amen” to his prayers. But I was looking for money, like millions o...
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Almost, Amal…
I would’ve searched for her beneath the seven seas or climbed every mountain. I would’ve trekked the length of Yusufari and swum the breadth of the Atlantic just to see her again and ask—why?
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The Art of Ass Licking also known as Famzing one’s Way to The Top
Slurping expensive shit, just so that one day, someone will go down and do the same for them, stick their tongues up their own asses and bring them to earth-shuddering euphoria from “egorgasm” with...
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Danfo Diaries – 08.04.2025
Some passengers shouted from the back, asking for their change. The driver yelled back, telling them to shut up and let the conductor do his job without distraction. Another passenger shouted back,...
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They Will Say We Crossed the Waters
“It just doesn’t make sense to quit a banking job in Nigeria and start washing toilets over there.” “You should know there’s a certain level—” “Imagine my cousin crying to me over the phone a...
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From FUPA to Abs: A Hilarious Relatable Gym Experience
You would think that someone like me, who sometimes has to chase after danfo like Arjun chasing after Priya in an Indian love story, would be fit. You would think the incessant trekking from one en...
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Danfo Diaries – 18.03.2025
Today, I priced my colleague’s 2009 Toyota and asked if he wanted to sell. He asked for 5.5 million naira. I told him not to bother. I trekked to the bus stop to board a bus home as he sped off ...
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The Many Sheges of House-hunting in Lagos
I met another agent on PropertyPro who uploaded cozy photos of apartments in Palmgrove and Ilupeju. I was sold and immediately paid the ₦10k he also charged, tell me why we ended up in a rowdy neig...
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Folake, When Will You Marry?
Folake, when will you marry? your friends trolled in the group chat because now they were married women, too high up to hang out with you anymore. They told you the problem was your lack of findin...
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From Natasha Akpoti to Sophia Egbueje: The Many Layers of Misogny
In fact, some of these women could have also been victims of sexual harassment and various forms of misogyny in politics. They may be attacking Natasha Akpoti because, in their minds, “Why does she...
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The Gospel of the Nigerian Police According to Sergeant Itoro
Itoro and his cohorts will wield their guns threateningly in his face daring him to challenge them further. Every grunt of frustration from the boy giving them a sadistic pleasure. They would engag...
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Maradona and Nigeria’s Never-Ending Dance of Despair and Deception
If Nigeria were a person, it would be a patient with Complex PTSD, Bipolar Disorder, and Dissociative Identity Disorder—constantly fluctuating between moments of hope and deep despair, stuck in cyc...
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Soft Underbelly: The House That Swallowed Them Whole
It started making sense—whenever Madam Annabelle came to announce that they were transferring some of the survivors to another facility to address their core needs—mental rehabilitation, physical t...
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Unmute Yourself: Speak, Take Up Space and Disrupt
We have adults who are emotionally stunted and function abysmally because their essence was smothered by the very people who should have nurtured it. It’s unfair and sad that speaking up and sharin...
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WHO KILLED BABA KAREEMU?
The day Kareem Kopiko’s mother’s scream interrupted the Adhan in the next compound—piercing through the soothing Muezzin’s voice calling forth to prayer—people stopped in their tracks as they rushe...
Hi, my name is Kaothar
Hey, you. Welcome to my little corner of the internet, where I let my thoughts run around freely like a toddler high on sugar.
I’m a storyteller at heart, a strong believer in the power of self-expression. Whether I’m dissecting society through my eyes, sharing my experiences navigating life and its many surprises, or taking you through the colorful chaos in my head—chaos that gets translated into finely crafted stories—or simply maneuvering this unpredictable thing called life, one thing remains constant: I say it how I feel it. You sha won’t come to my house to coman beat me.
This blog—KanzahSays 2.0—is where I unpack thoughts and reflect on what it’s like to live far removed from where you call home, the magnificent city of Ilorin, in a chaotic place like Lagos.
So, stick around. Engage me. Disagree with me. Enjoy the ride.
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There is a jingle that was part of my childhood. The tune lives in my head but the lyrics goes thus; No water No light No food o, No work! No Melecine for hospital,...
They say America wants to invade Nigeria and rescue us from the continuous killings that have ravaged the country for over a decade. Apparently, someone in the Pentagon...
It will start like a harmless comment. A passing joke. About how your nose has taken over half of your face. They will ask if your mother forgot to massage and sculpt...
I knew it was time to declare a state of emergency on my well-being when I caught myself doom-scrolling on TikTok repeatedly, without even pausing to take in the videos...
Like your typical women’s rights hawker, I am always available to carry women’s rights on my head. I go hard for my womennnnnnnnn because if I do not, who will? Up...
Dem call us pikin of the devil. Even di mama wey dey sell me pelebe last week dey look me like na me tif the bulb wey dey front of her shop. I no be devil pikin, nah...
It was great existing in the idealistic world where we were trained as girls to keep ourselves for marriage. Never allow a boy to hold our hands so we would not get...
NB: This is an unserious, satire or metaphorical piece or watchamacallit. The author has no intent to commit violence. This is a purge and one of the many rantings she...
My mother-in-law said something was wrong with Kenny the day she visited us in the hospital to check on the twins. I could barely hear her, I was hurting, aching,...
This is superstory. It is very easy for you to tell me you will give me $5 million this evening and get me a brand-new 2024 G-Wagon the morning after. You can also say...
The first time I lost my voice, it was because of the robbers. They were five, and their guns were pointed at my father. The short one among them hit my father with the...
MY LANDLORD JUST INCREASED MY HOUSE RENT I AM ABOUT TO CRASH OUT! Lagos wants to kill me before my time, but my spirit is bullish and I am not gonna let...
One of the worst things that can happen to you is for Nigeria to happen to you. The next is to be powerless and have no connection to the Whos and the Whats in power....
3:15pm Friday 8th August 2025 Maison Etienne Restaurant&Bar ‘I sha know they did not born him well to break up with me’ a loud voice pierced through the silent...
Yesterday, I boarded one of those yellow buses at Charly Boy, sorry, Baddo bus stop (lmao). It was a regular bus with a regular conductor and regular passengers. It was...
Who the fuck do you think I am? Every morning, as I brush my teeth and spit out the foam that the toothpaste has turned into, I imagine the various ways I could kill...
I finally watched To Kill a Monkey last week, mainly because my friend Philomena said one of the characters wore a beautiful earring she thought I might be interested...
Last Thursday, the job I intended to quit in 6 months sent me a mail congratulating me on my second-year anniversary with them. I journaled on Thursday as usual before...
So, you want to be an adult? *CacklesWickedlyPatienceOzokworStyle I took a much-needed two-week leave from work. Every bit of those two weeks was spent either...
I am the type to twirl near the cliff of insanity just to see if I would take a tumble.What is sanity, anyway? Let me tell you a story. When I was in JSS3, my cousins...
This is my digital kingdom where I am the the queen bee and you are my audience and I hold court. Think of this as my personal amusement park of thoughts – a place to banter, some sprinkle of humour, and scream into the void from time to time about life’s daily frustrations!
This is a no holds back zone, like kids in a playroom where we can twirl around and forget the chaos outside.
Okay, that was an attempt to sound deep. Lol. Stick around and vibe with me.
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aothar is a Nigerian woman with a flair for words laced with humour and wit. She finds joy sharing her opinions on social issues and creating her own fantasy word where you can escape with her to through her stories. Kaothar would love to travel to the moon one day.